Rant Like You Mean It

I have become something of a hermit lately. Not quite a full on, beardy, keeping jars full of urine under my own bed kind of hermit, but definitely not as active or keen to venture outside as I usually am. The worst thing about not having a job is the lack of need to go anywhere, and it starts to filter horribly into every other aspect of life.

I haven't been out of work since I was 16. My mum had me applying for jobs before I even had a National Insurance card. All through college and uni, I had part time bar jobs and always had my own money. I gave up bar work in my final year at uni, and managed to score a sweet voluntary film festival gig. I got my first paid film job a week after I graduated and since then it's... it's been quiet. I've had the odd job here and there. I've done some unpaid 'hings. But the nagging feeling creeping up on me is that perhaps the last three years have been a total waste.

I haven't worked in a shop since my first job, so apparently am not qualified to fold clothes or stack books. I haven't worked in a bar for over a year, which for employers reads "I have forgotten everything about pouring a pint or being around other humans therefore am not a valid candidate for a job I could do in my sleep". Actual film jobs are.... well, they're pretty much non existent. I keep stumbling across internships which I'm 'too old' for, and in any case they pay less than minimum wage. Which isn't great.

So what are people supposed to do? I can't get super top jobs because I don't have experience, but I can't get experience because I can't get a job. I get angry, and frustrated, and throw 'hings (mostly tantrums, because of course I still 'temporarily' live with the parents and they wouldn't be too happy with 'hing shaped dents in the wall). I get annoyed thinking of all the decisions I should've made instead of the ones that I did, and wonder at what point I actually went wrong.

Part of me thinks I'm being stupid. I'm healthy enough, I have a home and friends and a boyface with apparently all the patience ever. I was lucky enough to get into uni not once, but twice (despite attending both for possibly all of the wrong reasons, and not getting a huge amount out of it). I know that somewhere down the line this whole experience will be a tiny blip on the overall horizon, or so everyone seems quick to tell me anyway.

It's not what you want to hear in the middle of a drought of good creative jobs, but it's... something, I suppose. In any case it beats motivational Tumblr memes. Reason number 28363 why I need to get some kind of life-shape in order: I'm actually starting to take them seriously rather than mock them endlessly like I used to. Also I'm actually starting to 'get' the trick behind Rubix cubes that doesn't involve picking the stickers off and re-applying them to make all the sides the same colour.

IF ONLY I'D SEEN THIS SOONER I WOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN MY RUBIX CUBE.